Introducing: Nicky Lampshire

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The Cornwall Cancer Cafe podcast with Matthew Clarke.

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And this week we have Emma Coombe in the studio.

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Welcome Emma.

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Thank you very much, Matthew.

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Thanks to the National Lottery Community Fund for supporting this podcast.

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This week we are talking about one of the most important things to my mind that’s in

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Cornwall to support cancer patients and that, Emma, is what?

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That is the Cove, the Macmillan Centre at Trilisk Hospital, RCHT Trilisk.

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In my mind, it has got me through everything.

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Most definitely. What an amazing place.

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So some people might not know about the Cove.

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No.

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What would you say the Cove is?

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I would call the Cove my sanctuary.

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It’s a safe place.

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It’s a welcoming place.

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It’s an amazing place.

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It’s a treatment provided by Macmillan that all cancer patients, whether they’re

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newly diagnosed, going through it, being through it at the other end, don’t know what to do,

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should access.

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What an amazing resource.

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And that greeting when you go through the doors.

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Oh yes, you walk through the doors and they look up at you and it’s like,

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Emma, how are you today?

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And then what can we help you with?

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Quite often, I’m there for an appointment or even just going in there for a coffee

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or to sit in the lounge in the sunshine in those lovely windows that you can sit

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in and on those lovely sofas.

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Sometimes to meet somebody, sometimes to meet you.

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How horrific.

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I know.

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Sometimes because you’ve just been to an appointment or you’re just going to an

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appointment, it is somewhere safe.

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It is a safe place.

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The worst times in my treatment, I really appreciated the garden outside.

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Oh, you mean just outside the little round bit.

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They’ve actually painted just outside, haven’t they?

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There’s yellow bits all the way up the road and I think it’s supposed to be some

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sort of bee trail, but there’s a lot of-

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I mean the actual garden right outside the cove on the patio bit outside.

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Little bit of garden there and volunteers do that as well.

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I see I wouldn’t mind volunteering to do that later on.

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Anyway, so I’ve been chatting to Nikki Lampshire, one of the two managers at

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the cove about what the cove is and what they provide.

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So let’s have a listen across.

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So I’m a centre manager here at the Information and Support Centre.

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So it’s the Cove Macmillan Centre and we support patients.

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And relatives, carers, anyone that’s affected by cancer.

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Okay, so there must be- there’s lots of different types of cancer.

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There’s lots of different situations people are in, lots of people starting

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their treatments, people just being diagnosed, even people after their

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treatments.

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It’s a big mixture of people you see through the doors here, isn’t it?

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Yeah, absolutely.

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So people that are just diagnosed will quite often hear about us from their

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first consultation and then they’ll walk through the doors.

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Or it may be people that have had their treatment are now living with

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and beyond cancer and want to come in and see what support we can give

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them through groups or therapy and are moving forward.

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And how does a place like this help people find a way, whatever that way

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is, of winning against cancer?

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So I think for people, they see it as a safe place.

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They see it as somewhere they can also talk to other people that may

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have had shared experiences.

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And they also know that we’re professionals so that we are here.

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We can give advice but we also signpost to other areas if need be.

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Because that is a big thing, isn’t it?

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The signposting and the information, people are lost, aren’t they, in many

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cases, and they need that sort of guidance.

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Absolutely.

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When you’re diagnosed with cancer, people don’t know where to turn

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quite often.

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They’ve got their clinical nurse specialist to help them and their

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consultants, their oncologists.

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But actually sometimes it can be the smaller things about the free

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cancer patients or knowing who’s out in the community.

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So it might be somewhere that they can go to closer to home rather than

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having to come to the hospital as well.

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And having a friend there, a friendly face.

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Yeah, so we always have support officers on the reception.

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We use volunteers here as well.

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So there’s always someone, we’re a drop-in service so people can just

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come through the doors.

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And we also have a private room and, again, quiet areas so that people

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feel comfortable.

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It is a difficult topic talking about hope and cancer in many situations,

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isn’t it, where some people will have a diagnosis which does give

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them very positive hope for the future.

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Other people don’t have that.

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How do you give people hope in all situations?

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I think it’s about giving them support and knowing that whatever their

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situation is, there is always someone there.

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And that might be that for different reasons what they need and it’s

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making it individualised for them.

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So if they need something that maybe they can’t get from home,

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that they can come in and talk to us and look what’s available.

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Because people have such a wide range of circumstances.

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Some people have lots of family around them, lots of friends.

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Some people won’t have any family or friends around them.

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And I suppose for those people, where you come in is even more

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important, isn’t it?

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Yeah, absolutely.

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And I think that it can be really lonely having cancer from the

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family don’t understand.

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Your friends might look at you and think that you look well.

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But actually, you’re going through all that emotional turmoil and

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knowing that there’s someone there like us, like other support

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and information centres across the country.

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They can help and be that just shoulder, if you like, to speak

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to, to help as needed.

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And I suppose a lot of people, they will have been to an

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appointment, they might have just had chemotherapy or about

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to go in for chemotherapy or another treatment.

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And this place is here almost just to calm them down in

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many ways ahead of that sort of thing.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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We’re really lucky that we’ve got a cafe and a lounge area

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so that people can come in and if they don’t want to talk

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to us at that time, that’s absolutely fine as well.

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But it is a quiet, nice, non-clinical area.

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And the idea is that it does help people to relax when

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they’re in a stressful situation, like you say,

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going for treatments or being told news and diagnosis,

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all those stressful times.

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Nicky Lampshire there, one of the Cove Centre managers

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at the Royal Cornwall Hospital, very near to Truro.

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Now, we’ve been listening here, Emma and myself listening back.

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We’ve got a little bit more of Nicky to listen to in a bit.

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But what was one of the things that really came to you

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from what she was saying there?

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I think one of the takeaways from that for me,

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she was talking about the support you can get at the Cove

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that you can’t get at home from friends and family.

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And it’s not because friends and family don’t want to

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support, it’s just that they don’t understand how you

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feel and how cancer impacts on you.

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Whereas you go to the Cove and you can talk to the staff

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at the Cove because they’re all trained in this.

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But you also meet other cancer sufferers or cancer survivors,

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however they like to see themselves,

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and they will talk to you and they absolutely get it.

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That’s one of my takes from it, Matthew.

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What about you?

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Well, yes, and I’ve mentioned this to people before

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because are you a Trekkie at all?

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Yes.

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Now, have you watched the one with the whales, Star Trek 4?

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With the whales, you remind me.

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Star Trek 4, where they go and have to bring a whale

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from the past into the future to scare off an alien probe.

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It’s one of the films with the original cast.

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I must have seen it, but I don’t remember a whale being.

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You took me to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

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with the whale and the bowl of Petunias.

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Well, this one, they’ve got this stolen Klingon ship

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and Spock has just been brought back from the dead.

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All right, yes.

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Because that was a previous film.

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Spoiler alert, please.

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Oh, come on, this is 1980s.

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I think we’re allowed to give spoilers to 1980s films.

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Oh, no.

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Anyway, there’s this little moment

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where Spock is monitoring things with a thing in his ear

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and then McCoy, the doctor, comes over to him and asks Spock,

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what was it like to, you know, because he’s just been dead

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and he’s come back.

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And Spock says something along the lines of,

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well, you would have to have died to understand.

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And McCoy says, you expect me to have to die

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to understand what you went through.

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And for me, as a cancer patient trying to explain

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to someone else, you know, relative terms,

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it is that sort of situation.

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That’s really good, actually.

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It’s really profound.

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Profound, I know.

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There are some profound moments in Star Trek.

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Anyway, look, we’re going to listen a bit more

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now to Nicky Lambshire, and then we’ll have a listen

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to the chief executive of Cancer Support UK,

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Mark Gaimer, who’s also had a little listen across.

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Then we will just tell you what we think

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about what’s been said there.

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Okay, so more from Nicky.

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One of the things which is challenging for anyone

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is talking with someone about cancer.

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How do you get in the right frame of mind?

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What tips would you give someone

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if they’ve got a member of their family

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who they want to talk to about their cancer

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but don’t know how to do it?

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I think giving people time,

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making sure that it’s the right time in that day.

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So it might be that you’re going for a walk,

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it might be that you’re in the car,

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but choosing the right time and also not pushing.

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So if someone doesn’t want to talk, that’s equally okay.

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But just saying that you’re there if they want to talk

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can just be enough sometimes.

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I suppose for anyone working in this environment,

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it must be difficult for you to give that emotional support

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but not to let it really dig deep into you

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because otherwise you wouldn’t be able

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to carry out your work and help people.

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Absolutely.

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I think anyone that’s working in this environment

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cannot say that they won’t be affected

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because you have to be.

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You are dealing with people’s emotions day in and day out,

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but it’s really important that we have a good team support

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and also that all the members of staff

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have clinical supervision

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so they’re able to talk through situations

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and just also from a learning point of view,

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but reflection and just making sure

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that the staff have got the support

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so that they can emotionally cope

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with what they’re dealing with as well.

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People who come in here, as we’ve discussed,

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there’s a wide range of different types of patients

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at different stages,

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but there’s also the carers who you help.

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What sort of support do carers need?

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So again, it can just be about talking.

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It might be that they need some practical advice as well,

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but we are here.

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We can listen to what they need.

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We don’t offer formal counselling for carers,

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but we run a carer’s friends and family group,

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so there’s support groups available.

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And again, we have the offer

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that people can talk to us

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and the support officers if they need to.

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Okay, so we’ve talked a lot about the service.

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Let’s talk about yourself

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because as you say that you’re a nurse,

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a trained nurse.

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Why did you decide to come into this line of work?

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So I’ve worked for many years in the acute trust,

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so front door emergency,

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and then within that, obviously,

243
00:14:02.550 –> 00:14:05.530
we see patients that are affected by cancer

244
00:14:05.530 –> 00:14:07.090
and also their families.

245
00:14:07.570 –> 00:14:09.690
And when I saw this job advertised,

246
00:14:09.790 –> 00:14:12.610
I knew that I wanted to change direction slightly,

247
00:14:13.330 –> 00:14:15.970
and this was a really good way of doing that

248
00:14:15.970 –> 00:14:18.690
so that I could support patients, carers,

249
00:14:18.890 –> 00:14:20.590
friends, relatives,

250
00:14:20.890 –> 00:14:22.910
whoever was affected by cancer.

251
00:14:23.370 –> 00:14:24.970
And for me, obviously,

252
00:14:25.110 –> 00:14:28.230
I get a lot of job satisfaction out of it.

253
00:14:28.450 –> 00:14:30.790
It can be really tough sometimes,

254
00:14:30.790 –> 00:14:34.690
but it’s also a welcoming environment

255
00:14:34.690 –> 00:14:38.530
for people and for me is working in that.

256
00:14:38.530 –> 00:14:40.250
That is so nice.

257
00:14:40.770 –> 00:14:43.790
Where do you get your energy and your drive from

258
00:14:43.790 –> 00:14:46.270
to be able to run this?

259
00:14:47.410 –> 00:14:49.790
Well, seeing people come in

260
00:14:49.790 –> 00:14:52.710
and seeing that we’ve helped them

261
00:14:52.710 –> 00:14:56.790
and the fact that we can change our services

262
00:14:56.790 –> 00:14:57.940
so that we can,

263
00:14:59.130 –> 00:15:00.330
whatever people need,

264
00:15:00.510 –> 00:15:01.850
we can put in place.

265
00:15:02.310 –> 00:15:03.430
We’re very lucky

266
00:15:03.430 –> 00:15:07.230
and Macmillan do support with grants

267
00:15:07.230 –> 00:15:09.190
to help us do that as well.

268
00:15:10.090 –> 00:15:11.810
So it’s important to say that

269
00:15:11.810 –> 00:15:13.350
although this is part of

270
00:15:13.350 –> 00:15:15.430
the Royal Cornwall Hospital in Truro,

271
00:15:15.690 –> 00:15:16.990
where we are at the moment,

272
00:15:18.150 –> 00:15:19.930
it is a Macmillan centre.

273
00:15:20.670 –> 00:15:21.030
Yes.

274
00:15:21.150 –> 00:15:22.510
So in the beginning,

275
00:15:22.570 –> 00:15:24.490
when the centre was built,

276
00:15:24.770 –> 00:15:27.230
there was a lot of funding put in by Macmillan

277
00:15:27.230 –> 00:15:29.890
and there was a lot of charitable funds as well.

278
00:15:29.890 –> 00:15:34.230
But Macmillan funded a lot of the posts here,

279
00:15:34.290 –> 00:15:36.010
so a lot of the roles that you see

280
00:15:37.090 –> 00:15:40.910
and now they will still put in grants,

281
00:15:41.350 –> 00:15:42.090
wellbeing grants,

282
00:15:42.130 –> 00:15:44.250
but also to support with education

283
00:15:44.250 –> 00:15:47.010
of the Macmillan professionals that are here

284
00:15:47.010 –> 00:15:51.310
and also looking at things such as our,

285
00:15:51.310 –> 00:15:51.750
at the moment,

286
00:15:51.830 –> 00:15:54.010
we have a community outreach support officer

287
00:15:54.010 –> 00:15:56.570
and that’s been funded by Macmillan for two years.

288
00:15:57.170 –> 00:15:58.590
And it’s important at this stage

289
00:15:58.590 –> 00:16:01.490
that not everyone listening to this is in Cornwall,

290
00:16:01.510 –> 00:16:02.950
but there are Macmillan centres

291
00:16:02.950 –> 00:16:04.310
and Maggie’s centres

292
00:16:04.310 –> 00:16:07.590
and other support across the country.

293
00:16:07.970 –> 00:16:10.570
Do you sort of have a conference or liaise

294
00:16:10.570 –> 00:16:13.350
or exchange knowledge and ideas

295
00:16:13.350 –> 00:16:17.150
across a wide range of trusts across the country?

296
00:16:17.470 –> 00:16:18.290
Yeah, absolutely.

297
00:16:18.690 –> 00:16:21.810
So the South West Managers Forum is set up.

298
00:16:22.050 –> 00:16:24.610
So all the managers of information

299
00:16:24.610 –> 00:16:27.330
and support centres meet on a monthly basis.

300
00:16:27.330 –> 00:16:29.830
So that’s a good way of networking,

301
00:16:29.830 –> 00:16:31.970
finding out what’s going on in other areas

302
00:16:31.970 –> 00:16:33.350
and sharing ideas.

303
00:16:33.630 –> 00:16:36.510
And then we also have a yearly conference

304
00:16:36.510 –> 00:16:38.310
with Macmillan as well.

305
00:16:38.590 –> 00:16:42.450
So we encourage people from our area to go to that

306
00:16:42.450 –> 00:16:46.430
and we’ve also shared what we’ve done in Cornwall

307
00:16:46.430 –> 00:16:48.130
throughout the UK.

308
00:16:48.330 –> 00:16:49.710
Nicky Lampshire there,

309
00:16:49.910 –> 00:16:52.690
one of the managers at the Cove Centre

310
00:16:52.690 –> 00:16:54.350
at the Royal Cornwall Hospital.

311
00:16:54.350 –> 00:17:00.830
And so one of the things she is talking about there

312
00:17:00.830 –> 00:17:04.970
is the range of services available

313
00:17:04.970 –> 00:17:08.130
and that can only be done by Macmillan

314
00:17:08.130 –> 00:17:10.490
with a lot of fundraising going on.

315
00:17:10.849 –> 00:17:13.589
And we’ve got Leanne Thomas

316
00:17:13.589 –> 00:17:17.010
who is the Macmillan South West

317
00:17:17.369 –> 00:17:19.869
co-ordinator of fundraising

318
00:17:19.869 –> 00:17:22.690
will be talking to her in an upcoming episode.

319
00:17:22.690 –> 00:17:27.190
So Emma, what did you pull from what she was saying there?

320
00:17:27.569 –> 00:17:28.770
Yeah, similar to you,

321
00:17:29.010 –> 00:17:31.350
that Macmillan fund a lot of the posts

322
00:17:31.350 –> 00:17:33.850
and obviously we need these posts to remain in place.

323
00:17:33.850 –> 00:17:37.050
So it’s very important that we all support Macmillan

324
00:17:37.050 –> 00:17:39.190
as much as Macmillan are supporting us.

325
00:17:39.570 –> 00:17:42.450
So it’s going to be a very interesting conversation

326
00:17:42.450 –> 00:17:43.590
with Leanne, isn’t it?

327
00:17:43.950 –> 00:17:45.650
She’s a wonderful lady

328
00:17:45.650 –> 00:17:48.430
and she has supported me

329
00:17:48.430 –> 00:17:51.090
in a few of the fundraising things I’ve done during,

330
00:17:51.710 –> 00:17:56.490
and I think when I was in the middle of treatment,

331
00:17:56.510 –> 00:17:58.430
I felt that at that stage

332
00:17:58.430 –> 00:18:00.470
I wanted to give back in some way.

333
00:18:00.470 –> 00:18:02.150
So I went and did a bit of fundraising.

334
00:18:02.330 –> 00:18:04.250
I don’t know how I did it at that stage.

335
00:18:04.550 –> 00:18:07.230
No, but I think probably a lot of people feel like that

336
00:18:07.230 –> 00:18:08.310
because they’re at the point

337
00:18:08.310 –> 00:18:10.990
where they’re being given this amazing help

338
00:18:10.990 –> 00:18:14.210
and they want to reciprocate in some way, don’t they?

339
00:18:14.250 –> 00:18:16.890
But actually that’s not the time to do it.

340
00:18:17.030 –> 00:18:19.670
That’s the time that you need to be concentrating on yourself.

341
00:18:19.670 –> 00:18:20.450
Later.

342
00:18:23.310 –> 00:18:26.050
And I’ve got a bit of chemo brain coming over me.

343
00:18:26.050 –> 00:18:29.870
I was going to say something and it has gone out my head.

344
00:18:30.670 –> 00:18:32.750
No, it’s not gone into my head.

345
00:18:32.770 –> 00:18:33.870
Save me, save me.

346
00:18:33.970 –> 00:18:35.090
Chemo brain, I don’t know.

347
00:18:35.150 –> 00:18:36.810
I’m trying to read what you might have said.

348
00:18:37.210 –> 00:18:38.250
What are you going to say?

349
00:18:38.810 –> 00:18:40.590
What I was going to say is yes,

350
00:18:41.630 –> 00:18:46.370
because not everyone experiences cancer in the same way

351
00:18:46.370 –> 00:18:49.510
and needs services in the same way.

352
00:18:50.730 –> 00:18:54.900
It’s about time now for me to say what I say each time is

353
00:18:55.470 –> 00:18:57.150
not everyone is the same,

354
00:18:57.390 –> 00:18:59.470
not every cancer experience is the same

355
00:18:59.470 –> 00:19:01.810
and not every cancer is the same.

356
00:19:03.030 –> 00:19:07.890
If you find that you don’t need to use the Cove Centre,

357
00:19:08.790 –> 00:19:11.070
that is fine too, isn’t it?

358
00:19:11.170 –> 00:19:12.350
Of course it is, yes.

359
00:19:13.110 –> 00:19:14.910
But it’s a great cafe.

360
00:19:15.110 –> 00:19:15.970
Oh, it’s a great cafe.

361
00:19:15.970 –> 00:19:17.070
And a great lounge.

362
00:19:17.270 –> 00:19:18.010
It’s a great lounge.

363
00:19:18.050 –> 00:19:18.890
I love it there.

364
00:19:18.890 –> 00:19:21.710
And sometimes I will go in there

365
00:19:21.710 –> 00:19:24.250
and actually not talk to anyone.

366
00:19:24.410 –> 00:19:25.170
I just sit there.

367
00:19:25.290 –> 00:19:26.970
Yeah, and do you know I bumped into somebody

368
00:19:26.970 –> 00:19:29.310
walking through one of the corridors of Trilisk,

369
00:19:29.850 –> 00:19:31.850
RCHT, whatever you want to call it, Matthew.

370
00:19:32.510 –> 00:19:34.970
And they were looking to get a coffee somewhere

371
00:19:34.970 –> 00:19:36.930
and I took them to the Cove

372
00:19:36.930 –> 00:19:40.650
and they were blown away with how wonderful it was in there.

373
00:19:40.890 –> 00:19:45.290
Yes, so I’ve been playing this interview with Nikki

374
00:19:45.290 –> 00:19:51.830
to the chief executive of the Cancer Support UK charity

375
00:19:52.410 –> 00:19:54.170
and he is Mark Gimer.

376
00:19:54.450 –> 00:19:55.630
We’ve had him on before.

377
00:19:56.390 –> 00:19:59.590
And so let’s say listen across to what he says

378
00:19:59.590 –> 00:20:01.670
about what Nikki was talking about.

379
00:20:01.790 –> 00:20:04.710
Yeah, I just remember the very first

380
00:20:04.710 –> 00:20:08.050
sort of really poignant point that she mentioned,

381
00:20:08.070 –> 00:20:10.770
which is something that runs through the heart

382
00:20:10.770 –> 00:20:14.290
of many of our services is this notion

383
00:20:14.290 –> 00:20:17.030
that cancer is a very lonely place

384
00:20:17.030 –> 00:20:18.830
for the individual that’s impacted.

385
00:20:19.430 –> 00:20:21.430
And if you say that to someone

386
00:20:21.430 –> 00:20:24.910
that hasn’t had a lot of experience around cancer,

387
00:20:25.430 –> 00:20:27.710
the immediate assumption is that they’re thinking,

388
00:20:28.030 –> 00:20:30.230
oh, you know, it’s when you go to hospital,

389
00:20:30.310 –> 00:20:32.230
you’re on your own or maybe it’s somebody

390
00:20:32.230 –> 00:20:35.530
that doesn’t have a lot of friends and family around them.

391
00:20:36.370 –> 00:20:39.690
Whereas actually, it’s none of those things.

392
00:20:39.990 –> 00:20:43.770
It’s the fact that the individual with the cancer

393
00:20:44.630 –> 00:20:48.050
really doesn’t feel like that they can share

394
00:20:48.050 –> 00:20:51.310
exactly how they’re feeling or that people around them

395
00:20:51.310 –> 00:20:53.590
and even people very close to them

396
00:20:53.590 –> 00:20:56.710
don’t really understand how they feel.

397
00:20:57.810 –> 00:21:00.130
And that can be, you know, not because

398
00:21:01.370 –> 00:21:03.590
they’re not having the conversations.

399
00:21:03.890 –> 00:21:06.930
It can be that, you know, they just feel like

400
00:21:06.930 –> 00:21:11.490
how can someone understand what I’m going through

401
00:21:11.490 –> 00:21:13.810
when it’s only me going through it

402
00:21:13.810 –> 00:21:15.390
if that makes sense.

403
00:21:15.890 –> 00:21:18.970
And they support the family and friends

404
00:21:18.970 –> 00:21:20.810
as well as the patients.

405
00:21:22.470 –> 00:21:24.890
Yeah, and I think that is something again

406
00:21:24.890 –> 00:21:28.070
which we hear a lot at Cancer Support UK.

407
00:21:28.750 –> 00:21:30.610
We’ve even had people who have been through

408
00:21:30.610 –> 00:21:34.510
very difficult cancer diagnosis treatment

409
00:21:34.510 –> 00:21:37.150
and they’re on their recovery journey.

410
00:21:37.510 –> 00:21:40.330
And they will say, you know, I think in a way

411
00:21:40.330 –> 00:21:43.370
it was more difficult for my wife or my husband

412
00:21:43.370 –> 00:21:44.590
or my children.

413
00:21:45.110 –> 00:21:49.110
You know, they really do see and feel that.

414
00:21:49.490 –> 00:21:51.790
And one of the things we’re really conscious of

415
00:21:51.790 –> 00:21:55.170
is that that can create sometimes for some people

416
00:21:55.170 –> 00:21:56.850
a layer of guilt as well.

417
00:21:57.110 –> 00:22:00.110
You know, I’m putting my loved ones through this

418
00:22:00.110 –> 00:22:02.310
because of what’s happening to me.

419
00:22:02.570 –> 00:22:06.210
And that can all be part of what needs to be

420
00:22:06.210 –> 00:22:08.710
addressed as part of someone’s recovery.

421
00:22:08.710 –> 00:22:13.290
Mark Geimer there from Cancer Support UK.

422
00:22:13.970 –> 00:22:17.370
And yes, he was pointing out this whole thing

423
00:22:17.370 –> 00:22:23.070
about cancer being a lonely journey for many people.

424
00:22:23.150 –> 00:22:25.450
Not everyone, but for many people

425
00:22:25.450 –> 00:22:29.950
because it is a challenge discussing

426
00:22:30.400 –> 00:22:35.670
what you are experiencing with friends, family.

427
00:22:36.710 –> 00:22:38.430
What do you think on that?

428
00:22:38.430 –> 00:22:39.350
Yeah, I totally agree.

429
00:22:39.510 –> 00:22:41.410
It’s very difficult to put into words

430
00:22:41.410 –> 00:22:43.090
how you’re feeling and how you’re thinking

431
00:22:43.090 –> 00:22:45.730
because once you get that diagnosis

432
00:22:45.730 –> 00:22:48.310
I think your brain just starts turning

433
00:22:48.310 –> 00:22:49.870
and turning and turning and turning.

434
00:22:50.570 –> 00:22:53.750
Some people will go into the

435
00:22:53.750 –> 00:22:55.630
let’s learn everything about it mode.

436
00:22:56.050 –> 00:22:57.490
Some people will go into

437
00:22:57.490 –> 00:22:58.930
I’m going to put my head in the sand

438
00:22:58.930 –> 00:23:02.690
and hope it goes away mode and everywhere in between.

439
00:23:04.250 –> 00:23:05.850
But everybody deals with it differently.

440
00:23:05.850 –> 00:23:08.830
But trying to explain what you’re thinking

441
00:23:08.830 –> 00:23:11.210
and how you’re feeling to your loved ones

442
00:23:11.750 –> 00:23:13.890
when they haven’t had that diagnosis

443
00:23:15.350 –> 00:23:17.210
it’s very, very difficult.

444
00:23:17.210 –> 00:23:19.170
So it does put you in that lonely place

445
00:23:19.170 –> 00:23:20.270
because bless them,

446
00:23:20.270 –> 00:23:22.730
they’re doing their best to say

447
00:23:23.370 –> 00:23:25.730
all the right things at all the right times.

448
00:23:25.970 –> 00:23:27.150
But of course, your emotions

449
00:23:27.150 –> 00:23:29.130
are bouncing around all over the place

450
00:23:29.130 –> 00:23:31.010
and they don’t always get it right.

451
00:23:31.370 –> 00:23:33.990
And as cancer sufferers

452
00:23:33.990 –> 00:23:35.550
we don’t get it right either.

453
00:23:35.850 –> 00:23:38.130
You do end up in this lonely place

454
00:23:38.130 –> 00:23:40.330
where ironically the only people

455
00:23:40.330 –> 00:23:43.070
that understand you are other cancer people

456
00:23:43.070 –> 00:23:44.990
and they just get it.

457
00:23:45.130 –> 00:23:46.750
You can go to a group and say

458
00:23:46.750 –> 00:23:48.690
oh this happened to me at an appointment

459
00:23:48.690 –> 00:23:50.390
and it really upset me and they’ll go

460
00:23:50.390 –> 00:23:52.330
oh gosh yes I had a similar thing

461
00:23:52.330 –> 00:23:54.870
or they’ll completely understand it.

462
00:23:55.250 –> 00:23:57.270
You say that to your family and friends

463
00:23:57.270 –> 00:23:58.810
and they don’t understand

464
00:23:58.810 –> 00:24:00.530
why you’re so upset about it.

465
00:24:00.710 –> 00:24:02.090
Do you know the thing

466
00:24:02.090 –> 00:24:05.270
which I’ve found the most difficult

467
00:24:05.270 –> 00:24:07.670
post being in remission

468
00:24:08.990 –> 00:24:11.090
to explain to people

469
00:24:11.090 –> 00:24:14.670
about the recovery process on my part

470
00:24:14.670 –> 00:24:16.710
not everyone goes through this once again.

471
00:24:17.650 –> 00:24:20.470
I feel almost a completely different person.

472
00:24:20.470 –> 00:24:22.170
I don’t feel like the person

473
00:24:22.170 –> 00:24:23.910
that I was before cancer.

474
00:24:24.250 –> 00:24:25.590
Well you’re not the same person

475
00:24:25.590 –> 00:24:26.930
that’s the thing isn’t it?

476
00:24:26.970 –> 00:24:29.910
And it’s difficult trying to explain it.

477
00:24:30.550 –> 00:24:32.430
But you’ve been through such an

478
00:24:32.430 –> 00:24:34.950
life-changing experience

479
00:24:34.950 –> 00:24:37.090
and coming out the other side of it

480
00:24:37.090 –> 00:24:40.390
and your whole body has changed doesn’t it?

481
00:24:40.770 –> 00:24:42.990
I mean I believe you lost your hair

482
00:24:42.990 –> 00:24:46.030
so then your hair came back several times.

483
00:24:47.370 –> 00:24:50.110
And your fingernails and your skin

484
00:24:50.110 –> 00:24:52.130
and everything about you has changed

485
00:24:52.130 –> 00:24:54.130
and the way you think about life

486
00:24:54.130 –> 00:24:55.510
as well changes doesn’t it?

487
00:24:55.810 –> 00:24:59.510
Well yeah and I’m just going to mention here

488
00:24:59.510 –> 00:25:02.230
now this is something

489
00:25:02.230 –> 00:25:04.990
which is not easy to talk about

490
00:25:04.990 –> 00:25:08.110
because cancer is not easy to talk about at all

491
00:25:08.110 –> 00:25:10.390
and here’s one of the trickiest ones

492
00:25:10.390 –> 00:25:16.610
is that you look at all the forms you sign

493
00:25:16.610 –> 00:25:19.330
to say yes I’ll go through with that treatment.

494
00:25:20.310 –> 00:25:21.690
You know you have to sign lots of things

495
00:25:21.690 –> 00:25:22.950
and there’s all the sort of things

496
00:25:22.950 –> 00:25:25.430
that go wrong and so side effects

497
00:25:25.430 –> 00:25:27.930
and things you read them.

498
00:25:28.490 –> 00:25:30.910
Well I did but I’m not properly

499
00:25:30.910 –> 00:25:35.290
but one of the things that did happen

500
00:25:35.290 –> 00:25:39.130
from that is that I lost all my libido.

501
00:25:40.670 –> 00:25:43.990
And that makes you feel a completely different person

502
00:25:44.650 –> 00:25:48.130
and trying to explain that to people as well

503
00:25:48.130 –> 00:25:50.070
that suddenly that’s wiped out

504
00:25:50.070 –> 00:25:53.370
how you almost relate to the world.

505
00:25:53.950 –> 00:25:56.170
Yeah and then you wonder

506
00:25:56.170 –> 00:25:57.390
how you can get it back again.

507
00:25:57.930 –> 00:26:00.150
I don’t know if I can actually

508
00:26:00.150 –> 00:26:02.050
I think it’s completely gone.

509
00:26:03.810 –> 00:26:08.170
So it would be nice to get that part of me back

510
00:26:08.170 –> 00:26:12.890
but I think I have to almost not have expectations

511
00:26:12.890 –> 00:26:14.890
but these are the tricky things

512
00:26:14.890 –> 00:26:16.210
that we have to talk about.

513
00:26:16.890 –> 00:26:19.710
I think you’ve just said exactly the right words

514
00:26:19.710 –> 00:26:21.610
not have any expectations.

515
00:26:22.850 –> 00:26:26.050
That’s it really that’s it in a nutshell isn’t it?

516
00:26:26.050 –> 00:26:28.690
Before cancer we would have expectations

517
00:26:28.690 –> 00:26:30.770
about all sorts of things and plans

518
00:26:31.610 –> 00:26:36.690
and going through this changes that in a big way.

519
00:26:37.330 –> 00:26:39.610
Yeah I mean one of my mantras going through it

520
00:26:39.610 –> 00:26:41.710
is we have to forgive ourselves

521
00:26:42.210 –> 00:26:43.870
we have to be very forgiving.

522
00:26:44.710 –> 00:26:46.630
We have to forgive ourselves

523
00:26:46.630 –> 00:26:49.110
we have to forgive our family and friends

524
00:26:49.110 –> 00:26:50.970
and they also need to forgive us.

525
00:26:51.910 –> 00:26:54.890
Indeed so look Emma it’s been

526
00:26:56.090 –> 00:27:00.530
interesting talking to you about this episode

527
00:27:00.530 –> 00:27:05.890
and listening to Mark Gaimer and Nikki Lampshire

528
00:27:05.890 –> 00:27:09.090
from Macmillan at the Royal Cornwall Hospital

529
00:27:09.090 –> 00:27:12.970
the cove there and we’ll have you back

530
00:27:12.970 –> 00:27:14.570
I think again on this program

531
00:27:14.570 –> 00:27:17.090
because you’re such a brilliant co-host

532
00:27:17.090 –> 00:27:19.850
because you cover up for all my mistakes.

533
00:27:20.250 –> 00:27:21.210
And tell you off.

534
00:27:21.370 –> 00:27:24.390
And tell me off and I need that I need it

535
00:27:24.390 –> 00:27:26.890
thank you very much see you again soon

536
00:27:26.890 –> 00:27:30.410
and also see you all again soon speak to you soon

537
00:27:30.410 –> 00:27:32.610
and listen across on the website

538
00:27:32.610 –> 00:27:37.210
there are more episodes share them online on Facebook.

539
00:27:37.450 –> 00:27:40.910
We’ve got a Facebook group as well that we’ve started up

540
00:27:40.910 –> 00:27:44.310
so you can have a chat with people there.

541
00:27:44.810 –> 00:27:49.010
Don’t forget we are not medically trained

542
00:27:49.010 –> 00:27:52.730
or we’re not psychiatrists or anything

543
00:27:52.730 –> 00:27:58.010
what we are in this project are people with lived experience

544
00:27:58.730 –> 00:28:01.490
but we’ve got a lot of places

545
00:28:01.490 –> 00:28:03.710
we can point you to through the website

546
00:28:03.710 –> 00:28:11.850
so go and have a look at www.cancercafepodcast.org

547
00:28:11.850 –> 00:28:14.510
and tell everyone else about it

548
00:28:14.510 –> 00:28:16.470
so that they can get the benefit

549
00:28:16.470 –> 00:28:19.010
of the amount of different people

550
00:28:19.010 –> 00:28:21.830
we’ll be chatting to over the coming year.

551
00:28:21.830 –> 00:28:23.830
See you again next week.

552
00:28:32.100 –> 00:28:34.200
Thanks to the National Lottery Community Fund

553
00:28:34.200 –> 00:28:36.160
for supporting this podcast.