WEBVTT
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You’re listening to the Cornwall Cancer Cafe podcast. With me, Bathy. And me, Emma. Thanks
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to the National Lottery Community Fund for supporting this podcast. And this week,
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every week is different. I was just about to say it’s a bit different this week,
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but every week is different. This week we don’t have an interviewee. Is that down to me just
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not being organised? No, it’s down to you being very organised and actually having a great
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long list of things and deciding what needs to be talked about and when. And you’ve actually come
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up with a list of things for us to talk about today. And that list is basically around pressure
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on you once you’ve had a diagnosis. And you might be saying, well, what sort of pressure?
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Well, yes, there’s the pressure of actually going through the whole, let’s use the word
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journey. Not everyone likes the word journey, but yes, you know, once you’ve been diagnosed with
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a cancer, there is a sort of pressure on you in the way of, you know, you’re waiting for
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appointments, you are worried, all those sort of pressures. Yeah, and I think on top of
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that, another pressure is people are looking to see how you are reacting to it. So you’re
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trying to think about, you might be reacting differently internally, but then you’re thinking,
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oh, I need to put on a brave face, or I need to outwardly show that this isn’t bothering me.
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But then there comes a point when actually it is bothering you. And then you may show that
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side of things. And people were like, oh my goodness, but I thought she was being so brave.
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Yeah, so that’s what I’ve got the top of my list here. You’re so brave is one of the ones we
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we’ve both heard an awful lot. We have. And people, people that have said it to me have
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said it as a compliment, because they’ve recognized that I’ve got a cancer diagnosis.
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And that I’ve sort of, I’ve just got on with things. To my mind, I didn’t have any
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choice. I was offered surgery, which I took, and then I was offered some treatment, which I took.
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So I’d made my choices. I knew what was going to happen. And life had to keep going on around
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it. So I just kept going, one foot in front of the other, one day after the next.
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So I had quite a few friends saying, oh, you’re so brave the way that you’re dealing
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with it. But just because I dealt with it that way doesn’t mean the next person will deal
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with it that way. Some people, and I absolutely understandably, will absolutely break down
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because they don’t know how to deal with it. They are frightened of what’s coming next.
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The emotions behind it, they’re just so complex, aren’t they?
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And I think also, when someone says be brave, or sorry, you’re so brave,
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it’s, you are often putting on an outward persona of being brave, and where inside
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you are absolutely terrified.
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Yeah, I thought you were going to say something else.
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My lips were going towards saying something, but I thought this goes out on radio.
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I don’t think I can say that.
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Shall I phrase it as in soiling oneself? I think that would be allowed, wouldn’t it?
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Yeah, okay. Well, actually, I was thinking of some other words,
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but I won’t go into those either.
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Oh, my goodness.
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So, yes, you’re so brave, but actually, you’re putting on a brave face,
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maybe, and you are absolutely terrified underneath.
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I’ve seen people go in for their first chemo, and they are terrified.
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Yeah, definitely. The first time I saw my oncologist, he said to me,
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you look like a rabbit in the headlights. So that was me, the raw me, with the oncologist.
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And I had a very good friend with me who was taking notes for me because, you know,
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after the first sentence with him, I wasn’t really taking anything in.
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I was just taking the odd bit and bobbing.
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But I think you’re so brave is also a reflection of how they think that they might
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cope in that situation. So I think they think of themselves, how would I cope in this situation?
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Look at you and see how you are perceived.
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You’re such an inspiration.
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Oh, thank you very much.
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Yeah, you get that. But, you know, for me, I just, I did what I could when I could.
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But, you know, I’m not bulletproof. I haven’t got rhino skin.
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I’ve had those experiences, like, you know, with my oncologist rabbit in the headlights.
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And, yeah, going for your first treatment, you walk in there and you think,
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this is a new place to me. I don’t know what to expect.
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All the nurses are absolutely lovely because they’re used to catching people
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as they walk in and go, oh, my goodness, what’s happening?
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I think it’s important to also say that people who say things like that,
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they mean well, don’t they?
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And I’m not attacking anyone for saying that because they do mean well.
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But it is tough for the other, you know, the people talking to you to actually find the words.
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Yeah, I think that’s, well, it’s like when someone dies as well, isn’t it?
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How do you have that conversation with them?
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But we’re talking about people that have potentially been given a death sentence here,
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aren’t we? Because people do die of cancer.
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I mean, people die of being alive, don’t they?
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You know, let’s be frank.
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And people have the fear once they’ve been diagnosed that it’s the obvious fear.
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Because I remember going in for my, when I was diagnosed and my consultant says,
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oh, you’ve got a 70% chance of being here in five years.
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My brain said to me, I’ve got a 30% chance of not being here.
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Yeah, same, same.
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And then I was offered the treatment,
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which brought my percentages up to about 90 and 10, I think.
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But there’s still that, you know, that 10% there.
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You’re like, I really hope I’m not in that 10%.
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And then you think, oh, what about those people that are in that 10%?
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And then you start feeling guilty.
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And gosh, the emotion is just an emotional roller coaster, isn’t it?
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And with this emotional roller coaster,
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people can see you are going through an emotional roller coaster.
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And they tell you to be strong.
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Be strong, yeah.
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And you were like, I’m trying to be strong.
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You know, wind your neck in.
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You’ve got this.
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Yeah, you’ve got this.
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Oh, yeah, off, off.
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They mean well, they do mean well, I’ve got to say.
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Because some really dear friends of mine have said you got this.
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And I appreciate that they do mean well.
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OK, yeah.
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I think what’s really good, though,
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is if people do say things like that to you
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and your immediate reaction is, like mine was a minute ago,
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is to say to them, that’s not a helpful thing to say to me.
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And then they might go, oh, and walk away.
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Or they might go, oh, talk to me.
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Well, the thing is, is when someone said to me, you got this,
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in my head, I was like, no, I haven’t.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, so maybe if you said to them,
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I really don’t feel like I’ve got it.
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Again, they might say, oh, and walk away.
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Because they don’t know what else to say to you.
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Or they might say, well, what’s been going on?
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And it opens that conversation.
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So I think this is us trying to send the message out to say,
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try not to say these one-liner things
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that you think are going to be really helpful.
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Try and think about adapting what you’re going to say
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if you want to, to open the conversation,
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to support your friend or relative.
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Because they will probably appreciate it.
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Not everybody wants to talk about it, though.
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Let’s just put that one in there.
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And these things are all about putting, you know,
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the pressure that someone with a diagnosis has.
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And that sort of, oh, I’ve got to be strong.
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Oh, I’ve got to be brave.
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And those sort of things.
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But there’s also a situation where there can be pressure
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from other people with a diagnosis on,
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there are other people with a diagnosis.
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Because, I mean, for instance,
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I found it very difficult to work during cancer.
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I tried to begin with.
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And then as time went on, it all fell apart.
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Because I was just too ill.
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But I have had a situation where I’ve been on a support group.
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Yes.
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And someone said, oh, I worked right through cancer.
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And I thought, God, what have I been doing wrong?
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Yeah, I’ve had the same thing.
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I went to a support group where others were working.
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And after discussion with them, we had different cancers.
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And different cancers affect different people.
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And everybody has their own cancer journey.
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I know we don’t particularly like that word.
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But actually, it is a journey, isn’t it?
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But not everybody deals with it the same way.
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So you’ve got the physical side effects.
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And you’ve also got the emotional side effects.
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You’ve got the psychological side effects.
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So we’re on side effects now.
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But they affect how you can function in everyday life.
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So it also depends on the type of work that you do.
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So you may be able to carry on doing your work.
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Or there might be something that can be adapted
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because work can adapt for you.
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Or it might be that you’ve just got to step away.
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You might want to step away on sick leave
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or you might want to step away permanently.
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So there’s lots of things work-wise, aren’t there?
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Here to support you, the Cornwall Cancer Cafe podcast.
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Share this podcast on your social media so others may benefit.
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So we were just talking about people continuing work
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and the sort of pressure
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that can put on other people with a diagnosis.
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So they have this, oh, I work right through cancer.
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And actually, I’m not putting them down at all
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for saying that because well done.
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I mean, that is a feat in many ways.
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And you were saying how that actually depends a lot
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on the type of work and what type of cancer.
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Because once again, this is a good point to say
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that every cancer is different.
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Every patient is different.
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And the way that even if you have the same cancer,
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how you get through it is usually very different.
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Yeah, the other thing I was going to mention about work
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is it can be a really good distraction.
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I know people that have gone part-time
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whilst they’ve been having their treatment
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because they really enjoy their job.
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And some people really, really enjoy working,
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which is great.
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And if that’s your distraction and you enjoy
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and you’re getting those positive vibes back off work,
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that’s great for you.
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But it doesn’t mean that somebody else can continue to work.
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So again, it’s being mindful about what you say
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and who you’re saying it to.
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Because that can affect the mental health of someone else.
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Yeah, yeah, because if someone’s really struggling
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and has had to say to work, I just can’t do this.
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And if their place of work perhaps isn’t the most helpful
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or maybe they don’t realise that actually cancer
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is a recognised disability.
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So therefore, there are rules and regulations,
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which I know are going to be covered in a later podcast
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by an expert.
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Mark Gaimer, Chief Executive of Cancer Support UK,
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who we’ve heard from before.
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Yeah, so we’ll definitely get the you cans and you can’ts
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from him, which would be really great.
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But yeah, so work is a difficult one, isn’t it?
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If you can do it and you enjoy doing it
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and your work is supporting you, great.
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But if you come across someone who’s not in that situation,
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try not to make them feel guilty about it
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because they’re probably really struggling.
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And I think at this stage, before we go on,
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we haven’t said that we’re not counsellors, are we?
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We’re not counsellors.
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We’re not medical professionals.
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We are just.
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We’re just people with lived experience of cancer.
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We are, that’s true.
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So looking at another point here about things
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that are said, which can put pressure on people.
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So maybe another patient has said,
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I’ve managed to support other people with cancer
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whilst dealing with cancer myself.
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Yeah, and some people find that really helpful.
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Again, that’s the distraction thing,
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but the feeling the need to give back.
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I mean, I suppose I can fall into that category
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because Matthew and I met each other in music therapy
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and I was still having treatment
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and Matthew mentioned that he was doing this podcast
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and I said, is there anything I can do to help?
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And then now I’m sat here doing this.
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But so I started doing this
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whilst I was still having treatment.
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I suppose I fall into that category and why do I do it?
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Because I feel like I need to give something back,
230
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but it doesn’t mean that everybody feels that way.
231
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Some people want to put it behind them,
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completely understand that.
233
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Some people are frightened.
234
00:14:06.370 –> 00:14:08.210
Again, there’s so many emotions, aren’t there?
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I suppose also there is the point that
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in supporting other people,
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you do learn about supporting yourself.
238
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Yeah, you do.
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I try and talk, I try and be very mindful
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about what I say to people,
241
00:14:25.430 –> 00:14:27.790
especially when I encounter other people
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00:14:27.790 –> 00:14:29.150
who have then said,
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00:14:29.250 –> 00:14:30.590
oh, I’ve got a cancer diagnosis
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00:14:30.590 –> 00:14:32.330
or I’ve had a cancer diagnosis.
245
00:14:32.630 –> 00:14:36.470
And I’ve had some quite animated conversations
246
00:14:36.470 –> 00:14:40.450
with people just talking about how it feels, et cetera.
247
00:14:40.630 –> 00:14:42.750
Because actually when you get two people
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00:14:42.750 –> 00:14:44.990
that have got a cancer diagnosis together
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and it’s just them talking,
250
00:14:47.830 –> 00:14:49.830
they feel, well, in my experience,
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they feel that they can open up
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and actually be really honest with each other.
253
00:14:53.650 –> 00:14:56.050
But if you’ve got a carer or someone
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who hasn’t had that news,
255
00:14:58.830 –> 00:15:00.170
sometimes you’re a little bit more guarded
256
00:15:00.170 –> 00:15:01.890
about what you say, I think.
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00:15:02.790 –> 00:15:06.170
Okay, and this is a situation
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00:15:06.170 –> 00:15:09.090
where I can’t imagine how difficult this is.
259
00:15:10.710 –> 00:15:14.450
But I have heard this, so I’m a parent
260
00:15:14.450 –> 00:15:17.670
and still have to look after my little tackers,
261
00:15:17.930 –> 00:15:21.590
my little children, whilst going through cancer.
262
00:15:22.130 –> 00:15:24.730
So that’s a tough situation,
263
00:15:26.410 –> 00:15:29.170
though when it’s said to another patient,
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00:15:29.290 –> 00:15:30.950
it might put pressure on that patient.
265
00:15:31.050 –> 00:15:33.770
So it’s a tricky one because that person,
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00:15:34.330 –> 00:15:36.290
all hats off to that person
267
00:15:36.290 –> 00:15:38.130
for actually continuing to do that.
268
00:15:38.130 –> 00:15:41.990
But in many cases, once again,
269
00:15:42.150 –> 00:15:43.650
it’s not a choice.
270
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You just have to do it.
271
00:15:46.270 –> 00:15:47.850
Yeah, and again, it also depends
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00:15:47.850 –> 00:15:49.410
on the cancer that person’s got,
273
00:15:49.790 –> 00:15:50.770
the severity of it,
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00:15:50.770 –> 00:15:51.950
the treatment that they’re having,
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00:15:52.150 –> 00:15:53.410
any side effects they’re having.
276
00:15:54.310 –> 00:15:56.310
But oh, it’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?
277
00:15:57.170 –> 00:15:58.490
What an awful thing to have to do,
278
00:15:58.550 –> 00:16:00.870
be a parent looking after young children
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dealing with cancer.
280
00:16:02.570 –> 00:16:05.250
And if you go back to our podcast
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00:16:05.250 –> 00:16:08.510
with Roland Munger, who wrote the book,
282
00:16:08.690 –> 00:16:10.130
My Big Toe is Killing Me,
283
00:16:10.450 –> 00:16:15.010
he talks about having his family around
284
00:16:15.010 –> 00:16:17.710
and doing all the family stuff
285
00:16:17.710 –> 00:16:20.490
while still going through cancer treatments.
286
00:16:20.990 –> 00:16:22.310
What about this one?
287
00:16:22.390 –> 00:16:24.650
I’m a carer for my parents
288
00:16:24.650 –> 00:16:26.770
and still have to do this.
289
00:16:27.790 –> 00:16:29.830
Well, that’s a bit like the children thing, isn’t it?
290
00:16:29.830 –> 00:16:32.370
But the flip side, again,
291
00:16:32.690 –> 00:16:34.210
it’s the same thing, isn’t it?
292
00:16:34.210 –> 00:16:35.730
It depends on your cancer.
293
00:16:37.070 –> 00:16:38.470
You’ve got the extra pressure
294
00:16:38.470 –> 00:16:40.330
of having to look after your parents
295
00:16:40.330 –> 00:16:42.590
and then your parents are probably
296
00:16:42.590 –> 00:16:44.170
trying to look after you as well.
297
00:16:44.310 –> 00:16:45.790
Yes, because I mean,
298
00:16:45.790 –> 00:16:48.290
I had this situation because my mother,
299
00:16:48.870 –> 00:16:51.650
who is 85 and I mean,
300
00:16:51.650 –> 00:16:55.090
she’s a very good, you know, healthy 85.
301
00:16:55.350 –> 00:16:57.110
She is, she took the socks off me.
302
00:16:59.570 –> 00:17:03.510
She was my support through all my cancer
303
00:17:03.510 –> 00:17:05.490
and she looked after me
304
00:17:05.490 –> 00:17:08.170
through my worst periods as well.
305
00:17:09.730 –> 00:17:12.170
And inside me, there was a sort of pressure
306
00:17:12.170 –> 00:17:15.290
that I’ve got to keep going for my mother.
307
00:17:15.730 –> 00:17:18.690
And I think my mother is also thinking
308
00:17:18.690 –> 00:17:20.510
I’ve got to keep going for my son.
309
00:17:20.990 –> 00:17:23.970
Yeah, yeah, I think she’s very proud of you.
310
00:17:23.970 –> 00:17:25.869
I know that much, yes.
311
00:17:26.450 –> 00:17:30.530
So I was going to say about my parents as well.
312
00:17:30.530 –> 00:17:34.210
My parents said that my mum actually said
313
00:17:34.210 –> 00:17:36.650
one of the plus sides of me having cancer
314
00:17:36.650 –> 00:17:38.510
is they’ve seen so much more of me.
315
00:17:39.110 –> 00:17:41.510
And I think it’s because we’ve become closer
316
00:17:41.510 –> 00:17:42.910
because they’ve been there for me.
317
00:17:42.910 –> 00:17:43.970
I’ve been there for them.
318
00:17:44.330 –> 00:17:45.210
They’ve come with me
319
00:17:45.210 –> 00:17:47.770
when I’ve needed help for operations
320
00:17:47.770 –> 00:17:49.710
and appointments and things.
321
00:17:50.230 –> 00:17:51.770
And I mean, they’re elderly as well.
322
00:17:52.430 –> 00:17:53.430
So sorry, mum and dad.
323
00:17:54.270 –> 00:17:56.510
So I’ve been there to take them
324
00:17:56.510 –> 00:17:58.970
to their hospital appointments as well.
325
00:17:58.970 –> 00:18:03.110
You know, life still carries on every day,
326
00:18:03.110 –> 00:18:05.410
even with a cancer diagnosis,
327
00:18:05.850 –> 00:18:07.410
even with treatment going on.
328
00:18:07.910 –> 00:18:09.670
You know, each new dawn,
329
00:18:10.050 –> 00:18:11.670
something’s going to happen that day.
330
00:18:12.510 –> 00:18:15.270
So yeah, friends and family looking after people,
331
00:18:15.550 –> 00:18:16.950
people looking after you.
332
00:18:17.330 –> 00:18:19.650
But this is more about the pressure
333
00:18:19.650 –> 00:18:21.470
when somebody makes a statement
334
00:18:21.470 –> 00:18:23.530
that you think, oh, why can’t I,
335
00:18:23.690 –> 00:18:24.910
why aren’t I doing that?
336
00:18:25.270 –> 00:18:27.950
And you just have to acknowledge
337
00:18:27.950 –> 00:18:30.590
that they’re in a different position than you are.
338
00:18:32.210 –> 00:18:34.490
And maybe in a few days’ time,
339
00:18:34.630 –> 00:18:36.870
you might be able to do a bit more
340
00:18:36.870 –> 00:18:37.830
and they might not be.
341
00:18:38.450 –> 00:18:39.990
So yeah, chill.
342
00:18:46.870 –> 00:18:48.830
I had to have a catheter,
343
00:18:48.830 –> 00:18:50.930
which I called Clarence Clearwater.
344
00:18:51.070 –> 00:18:52.430
You sit and think,
345
00:18:52.510 –> 00:18:56.370
how am I going to cope after surgery?
346
00:18:56.750 –> 00:18:57.990
When I was diagnosed,
347
00:18:58.310 –> 00:18:59.650
I really just didn’t have anywhere
348
00:18:59.650 –> 00:19:01.250
to go with my feelings.
349
00:19:01.710 –> 00:19:03.790
I think it’s about giving them support
350
00:19:03.810 –> 00:19:08.010
and knowing that whatever their situation is,
351
00:19:08.390 –> 00:19:09.870
there is always someone there.
352
00:19:15.240 –> 00:19:22.720
Okay, so we’re talking about the pressure
353
00:19:22.720 –> 00:19:26.220
that people with a cancer diagnosis have
354
00:19:26.220 –> 00:19:28.880
face from the things that people say.
355
00:19:30.060 –> 00:19:31.440
Whether it is,
356
00:19:32.340 –> 00:19:35.740
well, usually it’s meant really well
357
00:19:35.740 –> 00:19:37.800
and people just want to say something
358
00:19:37.800 –> 00:19:38.900
to support you,
359
00:19:38.900 –> 00:19:40.220
but they don’t know what to say.
360
00:19:40.260 –> 00:19:42.680
So that’s what we’re talking about this week.
361
00:19:43.460 –> 00:19:45.300
Okay, so now the next one
362
00:19:45.300 –> 00:19:48.380
is watching a friend die of cancer
363
00:19:48.380 –> 00:19:51.640
whilst you’re in treatment yourself,
364
00:19:51.640 –> 00:19:55.340
which I found particularly difficult.
365
00:19:55.940 –> 00:19:57.660
Have you experienced this at all?
366
00:19:58.280 –> 00:20:01.420
Yeah, I had a friend die earlier on this year.
367
00:20:03.040 –> 00:20:04.920
Who had cancer,
368
00:20:05.120 –> 00:20:06.680
had other things going on as well,
369
00:20:06.700 –> 00:20:07.880
but had cancer.
370
00:20:09.380 –> 00:20:11.420
And it’s just, it’s devastating.
371
00:20:11.420 –> 00:20:14.540
And then I think it makes you look at yourself again
372
00:20:14.540 –> 00:20:15.800
and it makes you frightened.
373
00:20:15.940 –> 00:20:17.060
It made me frightened.
374
00:20:17.760 –> 00:20:20.440
Well, I befriended,
375
00:20:20.740 –> 00:20:22.240
I was on Lowen Ward
376
00:20:22.240 –> 00:20:26.260
and I was actually on the bay
377
00:20:26.260 –> 00:20:28.200
rather than in a room this time.
378
00:20:28.840 –> 00:20:30.920
And there was a guy in the bed
379
00:20:30.920 –> 00:20:34.420
next to me who really got chatting to a lot
380
00:20:34.420 –> 00:20:37.520
and he had three months to live, really.
381
00:20:38.240 –> 00:20:40.020
And then when I was out of hospital
382
00:20:40.020 –> 00:20:41.500
and he was out of hospital,
383
00:20:41.500 –> 00:20:42.980
I went and visited him
384
00:20:42.980 –> 00:20:45.340
and sent him birthday cards.
385
00:20:45.360 –> 00:20:46.980
And then when he went
386
00:20:47.920 –> 00:20:49.180
and watching him go,
387
00:20:49.220 –> 00:20:51.220
it was very tough.
388
00:20:51.820 –> 00:20:54.180
And I said to my consultants,
389
00:20:54.480 –> 00:20:58.320
I’m just so worried about making friends here now.
390
00:20:58.320 –> 00:21:00.200
And my consultants,
391
00:21:01.200 –> 00:21:04.060
he didn’t really say much.
392
00:21:05.120 –> 00:21:09.580
He sort of acknowledged that I had that worry.
393
00:21:10.560 –> 00:21:13.380
He didn’t want to say either way to me,
394
00:21:13.600 –> 00:21:15.620
but he acknowledged that I…
395
00:21:15.620 –> 00:21:18.920
And it’s how you cope with those sorts of things
396
00:21:18.920 –> 00:21:21.740
because I’ve just lost another friend
397
00:21:21.740 –> 00:21:23.740
from a blood cancer,
398
00:21:23.920 –> 00:21:26.800
someone I’ve known for 30 years.
399
00:21:26.800 –> 00:21:32.480
So these things do play on you then, don’t they,
400
00:21:32.560 –> 00:21:33.980
if you’re already in treatment?
401
00:21:34.200 –> 00:21:34.960
They do.
402
00:21:35.040 –> 00:21:37.720
And I think you have to make that personal decision
403
00:21:37.720 –> 00:21:40.000
as to how involved you want to get.
404
00:21:41.600 –> 00:21:44.020
My friend, I chose to get very involved
405
00:21:44.020 –> 00:21:47.420
because, well, she was a very good friend
406
00:21:47.420 –> 00:21:49.640
and I wanted to do it.
407
00:21:50.240 –> 00:21:55.900
I didn’t expect her to die when she did.
408
00:21:56.980 –> 00:21:58.680
But I’m glad I was there for her
409
00:21:58.680 –> 00:22:01.380
and I’m glad I was as involved as I was.
410
00:22:03.060 –> 00:22:05.820
But then there’s other people in your life
411
00:22:05.820 –> 00:22:08.400
that you can only give so much, can’t you?
412
00:22:08.880 –> 00:22:13.340
So my godmother’s husband died recently of leukemia
413
00:22:14.440 –> 00:22:17.040
and his funeral was up in the Midlands,
414
00:22:18.040 –> 00:22:19.100
miles and miles away.
415
00:22:19.300 –> 00:22:20.780
And I wish I could have gone,
416
00:22:20.860 –> 00:22:24.760
but I didn’t feel well enough to travel up there
417
00:22:25.300 –> 00:22:27.600
and attend the funeral and travel back again.
418
00:22:28.060 –> 00:22:29.580
So instead of going,
419
00:22:29.840 –> 00:22:31.880
I sent the usual well wishes and things.
420
00:22:32.240 –> 00:22:34.440
So that was a decision that I made.
421
00:22:35.120 –> 00:22:36.500
I would rather have been there,
422
00:22:36.500 –> 00:22:37.630
but I couldn’t be there.
423
00:22:39.280 –> 00:22:40.320
But then there’s also,
424
00:22:40.540 –> 00:22:41.500
so at the Cove,
425
00:22:41.540 –> 00:22:42.820
as we’ve been talking about the Cove,
426
00:22:43.380 –> 00:22:45.600
there’s quite a few groups that you can join.
427
00:22:45.780 –> 00:22:47.260
Yes, we’re going to say support groups.
428
00:22:47.340 –> 00:22:49.620
You naturally get to know people.
429
00:22:49.700 –> 00:22:50.480
You do.
430
00:22:51.000 –> 00:22:52.600
But then when you go one week
431
00:22:52.600 –> 00:22:54.180
and somebody’s not there,
432
00:22:54.180 –> 00:22:57.080
you do wonder how are they?
433
00:22:57.080 –> 00:22:58.400
Are they okay?
434
00:22:58.640 –> 00:23:00.340
And then a couple of weeks later,
435
00:23:00.500 –> 00:23:01.680
they might come back and say,
436
00:23:01.700 –> 00:23:04.040
oh, I wasn’t here because my grandchild was born
437
00:23:04.560 –> 00:23:07.540
or I was away on holiday or I went walking
438
00:23:07.540 –> 00:23:12.200
or it might be something I’ve not had a good week,
439
00:23:12.200 –> 00:23:13.380
I wasn’t able to come
440
00:23:13.380 –> 00:23:15.500
or you might never see that person again.
441
00:23:16.820 –> 00:23:18.980
So doing things with people
442
00:23:18.980 –> 00:23:20.740
who have had a cancer diagnosis,
443
00:23:20.740 –> 00:23:24.260
you are risking that you’re going to come
444
00:23:24.260 –> 00:23:27.360
into contact with someone who might not make it.
445
00:23:27.960 –> 00:23:32.920
I do remember there was a lady on Headland Unit
446
00:23:32.920 –> 00:23:35.220
when I was having one of my treatments
447
00:23:36.560 –> 00:23:39.880
who it was clear it was her first time
448
00:23:40.860 –> 00:23:43.900
and I was in the chair next to her
449
00:23:43.900 –> 00:23:46.340
and I thought I would just have a,
450
00:23:46.420 –> 00:23:47.820
you know, just be friendly and everything.
451
00:23:48.180 –> 00:23:50.080
And she just was so frightened.
452
00:23:50.080 –> 00:23:51.820
She didn’t want to talk.
453
00:23:53.180 –> 00:23:57.560
And for me, I wanted to talk to people.
454
00:23:57.860 –> 00:24:00.180
It was part of me staying human
455
00:24:01.080 –> 00:24:03.240
but obviously she didn’t want to
456
00:24:03.240 –> 00:24:06.120
and I suppose it’s your choice again.
457
00:24:06.580 –> 00:24:08.660
And I was fine with that
458
00:24:08.660 –> 00:24:11.620
because I recognized that she was frightened
459
00:24:12.400 –> 00:24:15.100
but I wanted to talk to people
460
00:24:15.100 –> 00:24:16.780
but then on that same note,
461
00:24:16.780 –> 00:24:19.040
I will be forming, you know,
462
00:24:19.360 –> 00:24:21.360
bonds with people at some level
463
00:24:21.360 –> 00:24:25.240
and not everyone will make it through.
464
00:24:25.960 –> 00:24:28.220
Yeah. So at Headland Unit,
465
00:24:28.420 –> 00:24:29.860
there’s six bays, aren’t there, in each?
466
00:24:30.000 –> 00:24:32.180
Or six chairs in each of the bays.
467
00:24:33.940 –> 00:24:36.560
So usually there’s five other people
468
00:24:36.560 –> 00:24:38.440
receiving treatment at the same time as you.
469
00:24:38.740 –> 00:24:40.120
And I’ve had a similar thing
470
00:24:40.120 –> 00:24:41.600
where I’ve been sat there.
471
00:24:42.040 –> 00:24:44.860
I’ve not instigated conversations
472
00:24:44.860 –> 00:24:47.020
but other people have and I’ve joined in.
473
00:24:47.660 –> 00:24:50.960
But I find that I needed to be respectful
474
00:24:50.960 –> 00:24:52.860
of the people that didn’t want to talk.
475
00:24:53.000 –> 00:24:54.000
Exactly, yes.
476
00:24:54.160 –> 00:24:55.400
Yeah. And there was a guy
477
00:24:55.400 –> 00:24:57.000
that was next to me at one of the treatments
478
00:24:57.000 –> 00:24:58.860
and I can’t remember what we were talking about
479
00:24:58.860 –> 00:25:01.320
and the conversation was around something
480
00:25:01.320 –> 00:25:03.140
that needed to be looked up on Google
481
00:25:03.140 –> 00:25:05.100
and he very quietly did it
482
00:25:05.100 –> 00:25:08.000
and that was his way into our conversation
483
00:25:08.000 –> 00:25:09.940
because he then gave us the answer
484
00:25:09.940 –> 00:25:12.300
to whatever trivia that we were talking about.
485
00:25:13.500 –> 00:25:16.000
But we didn’t talk about cancer.
486
00:25:16.000 –> 00:25:17.860
We just talked about other stuff.
487
00:25:17.920 –> 00:25:20.860
I think this is a whole other topic
488
00:25:20.860 –> 00:25:23.360
for another time about, you know,
489
00:25:23.440 –> 00:25:25.520
during treatment, making time fly.
490
00:25:25.560 –> 00:25:27.560
What do you do when you go?
491
00:25:27.720 –> 00:25:30.660
What do you take into a chemo session
492
00:25:30.660 –> 00:25:32.260
or that sort of thing?
493
00:25:32.260 –> 00:25:34.680
I think that’s another topic for another time.
494
00:25:34.680 –> 00:25:38.260
But I think it’s important now to just point out
495
00:25:38.260 –> 00:25:44.080
that once again, we’re not professionals in any way.
496
00:25:44.160 –> 00:25:45.420
We’re lived experience
497
00:25:45.420 –> 00:25:50.700
and we need to signpost you to seek professional help
498
00:25:50.700 –> 00:25:56.020
if you need it, if you’re going through cancer
499
00:25:56.020 –> 00:25:59.500
and you want some psychological support
500
00:25:59.500 –> 00:26:00.940
because that is available.
501
00:26:01.460 –> 00:26:03.700
It is, there’s professional support available.
502
00:26:04.880 –> 00:26:07.440
I’ve had a session at the Cove
503
00:26:07.440 –> 00:26:09.120
and I know that you have too
504
00:26:09.120 –> 00:26:11.340
but there’s also groups out there.
505
00:26:11.580 –> 00:26:14.000
So if you don’t particularly want professional help
506
00:26:14.000 –> 00:26:16.240
but you want to chat with people
507
00:26:16.240 –> 00:26:17.380
that have got experience
508
00:26:17.380 –> 00:26:18.760
and you’ll find that quite a lot of them
509
00:26:18.760 –> 00:26:20.780
because they’ve experienced it,
510
00:26:21.340 –> 00:26:23.300
they’ve almost become counselors
511
00:26:23.300 –> 00:26:25.240
so they can listen and say,
512
00:26:25.260 –> 00:26:26.720
oh, this is what happened to me.
513
00:26:26.980 –> 00:26:28.460
They won’t try and tell you
514
00:26:28.460 –> 00:26:29.840
what’s going to happen to you.
515
00:26:29.960 –> 00:26:32.240
They’ll just say, this happened to me
516
00:26:32.240 –> 00:26:34.240
and then, or they might be able to say,
517
00:26:34.300 –> 00:26:34.980
this happened to me
518
00:26:34.980 –> 00:26:36.700
and then the conversation will go on to somebody else
519
00:26:36.700 –> 00:26:38.820
and they’ll say, this is what I did, this is what I did
520
00:26:39.660 –> 00:26:41.340
and I think that’s all we can do.
521
00:26:41.460 –> 00:26:44.760
I think we can’t try and project.
522
00:26:45.040 –> 00:26:47.180
We just need to explain what’s happened to me.
523
00:26:47.700 –> 00:26:55.300
And if you go to the website www.cancercafe.org
524
00:26:55.300 –> 00:26:59.920
there is a page of places you can get help
525
00:26:59.920 –> 00:27:01.840
so it’s signposting you.
526
00:27:02.080 –> 00:27:04.220
So have a look through those.
527
00:27:05.180 –> 00:27:09.220
Also, it will signpost you to the Macmillan website
528
00:27:09.220 –> 00:27:12.340
because there’s plenty of advice
529
00:27:12.340 –> 00:27:15.440
and support available through Macmillan
530
00:27:15.440 –> 00:27:17.840
as there is through The Cove.
531
00:27:18.300 –> 00:27:21.580
So have a look on both our website
532
00:27:21.580 –> 00:27:25.320
and very importantly on the Macmillan website.
533
00:27:25.800 –> 00:27:29.300
Yeah, and I’d also like to add that cancers,
534
00:27:30.000 –> 00:27:31.960
there’s big cancers, there’s small cancers
535
00:27:31.960 –> 00:27:33.200
but they’re all cancers.
536
00:27:33.200 –> 00:27:36.880
So if you’ve had what you consider to be a small cancer
537
00:27:36.880 –> 00:27:40.100
you are still eligible for all of this help.
538
00:27:41.420 –> 00:27:42.780
The big cancers, the small cancers,
539
00:27:42.800 –> 00:27:45.320
they all have psychological effects on you
540
00:27:45.320 –> 00:27:48.480
and if you need help, go and find it.
541
00:27:48.560 –> 00:27:49.640
Come and find it.
542
00:27:50.340 –> 00:27:53.840
Okay, so we’re coming to the end of this week’s…
543
00:27:54.900 –> 00:27:55.960
Is it a show?
544
00:27:56.120 –> 00:27:58.360
Is it a show, a program or what?
545
00:27:58.480 –> 00:27:59.340
It’s a podcast.
546
00:27:59.660 –> 00:28:01.940
It’s a podcast which goes on the radio as well.
547
00:28:01.940 –> 00:28:04.260
Coast FM and Chaos Radio.
548
00:28:04.680 –> 00:28:07.440
Thank you very much to both of those stations.
549
00:28:07.680 –> 00:28:11.140
Chaos Radio covering the Roseland Peninsula,
550
00:28:11.400 –> 00:28:15.360
you know, almost up to Truro and Coast FM down
551
00:28:15.360 –> 00:28:18.720
in Penwith, Penzance and that area.
552
00:28:19.500 –> 00:28:21.060
So if you’re in that area
553
00:28:21.060 –> 00:28:24.920
then you can hear us several times a week.
554
00:28:25.360 –> 00:28:27.100
Yeah, thanks to both radio stations
555
00:28:27.100 –> 00:28:29.860
and who knew I’d become a radio presenter as well.
556
00:28:30.400 –> 00:28:31.760
It suits you.
557
00:28:32.580 –> 00:28:34.060
I’m not sure about that.
558
00:28:35.380 –> 00:28:39.200
Well, okay, so we’d like to thank you for listening
559
00:28:39.200 –> 00:28:43.700
and please tell other people that you have heard us
560
00:28:43.700 –> 00:28:46.540
and particularly because talking to other people
561
00:28:46.540 –> 00:28:49.160
gets the message around and you never know
562
00:28:49.160 –> 00:28:51.760
who might need this sort of support
563
00:28:51.760 –> 00:28:54.120
or be signposted to support.
564
00:28:54.340 –> 00:28:56.040
They might not be going through
565
00:28:56.380 –> 00:28:58.520
a cancer experience themselves
566
00:28:58.520 –> 00:29:02.520
but they might have a friend or a family member
567
00:29:02.520 –> 00:29:05.680
so they might need that sort of support.
568
00:29:05.980 –> 00:29:08.680
So please do share this around.
569
00:29:08.820 –> 00:29:11.480
If you’re on the website or if you’re on the social media
570
00:29:11.480 –> 00:29:15.020
go to Facebook and put Cornwall Cancer Cafe podcast in
571
00:29:15.020 –> 00:29:18.420
and follow us then share it to help others.
572
00:29:18.800 –> 00:29:21.580
And we will be back next week
573
00:29:21.580 –> 00:29:28.720
with another extravaganza of support for you
574
00:29:29.480 –> 00:29:31.180
whatever your situation is.
575
00:29:31.680 –> 00:29:34.600
So I’d just like to say hug, let’s hug.
576
00:29:34.700 –> 00:29:35.400
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
577
00:29:35.400 –> 00:29:38.740
So as always we like to extend a big hug to you
578
00:29:38.740 –> 00:29:40.300
because when you give a hug
579
00:29:40.300 –> 00:29:42.360
you get a hug.
580
00:29:43.260 –> 00:29:44.960
And that’s a great way of signing off.
581
00:29:44.980 –> 00:29:45.560
Bye-bye.
582
00:29:45.640 –> 00:29:46.180
Bye-bye.
583
00:29:50.790 –> 00:29:54.190
Here to support you the Cornwall Cancer Cafe podcast.
584
00:29:54.190 –> 00:29:56.930
Thanks to the National Lottery Community Fund
585
00:29:56.930 –> 00:29:58.650
for supporting this podcast.